We’ve come full circle. I’m scared, and fearful of what’s to come. I’m ready to take on the world. I’ve been hurt. I’ve been happy. I think we are all familiar with the concept of up and down. Now, don’t look back. Brace yourself. Open your eyes. Step out into the sun. Get swept away by the storm. Let your instincts take over. Boy, remind yourself that you are strong. Tonight. You get drunk for the fifth time this week. Tonight. Remind yourself that you deserve to be happy. Tonight. Say happy New year. And forget the world.

www.travispolack.tumblr.com

I realized I hate this movie so much because it’s such a slap in the face. Anyways, Jacob is hot. So, I hate twilight, I’m using a blackberry, I’m working at california fitness… I know, its like, suddenly I’m a whole other person.

My grandma is in the hospital, I think she has some bone infection ailment. I welcomed this year with the loss of my Australian grandma, which honestly, wasn’t that much of a deal. If I end this year with another death, I’ll be very sad, for a very long period of time. And yes, we’re talking about my Chinese grandmother. She who fried me chicken every day when I lived with her, and my sister and I would quarrel over who gets to eat the skin. She would be the one to advise me to study. In her eyes, I know I’m beautiful and she’s proud. She who gave my sister money when she was my age. She who acted as the mother who was rarely there for my sister. She who smuggled money into my pocket whenever she has the chance too. And I know she never expects anything at all. Then there are times she forgets me. And then she remembers me as the tall boy, as the handsome boy. Basically, her senescence is really bad and her dementia is catching up. Its not something a bar of chocolate can fix. I remember her nagging at me when I was a kid, not to buy this, don’t buy that. I hated that part. She rarely does that anymore. I don’t think she remembers. My sister didn’t even text me that she is in the hospital. I know she wouldn’t want me to be worried. So friends, I might not hang out as much for the next week or so. I’m sure you’ll understand.

And I thought to myself, bloody hell, stupid boy you need an education. Some say its not about what you know, it’s who you know. I think to myself, and what happens when they leave you, and drag every promise they’ve made along. When you’ve shriveled up on the streets, and you think to yourself, what the fuckin’ fuck just happened. We’ve seen so many case studies. Again I tell myself that you can’t make all the mistakes in the world just so you can learn from them. You need to learn from other people’s mistakes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkEjGZoVAik&feature=rec-fresh+div-r-4-HM

And on the long bus ride home, I thought to myself. I needed a break from the monotony, from the greyscaled vision, that’s why I came here. There are so many choices to be made, I must remind myself not to be so restricted. I thought of how people have fallen from such great heights, then I also thought of people who never made it because they’re too scared and wary. I thought, its a risk I’m willing to take. I need some sort of adrenaline rush, I didn’t need to know if what I’m about to do is right. I need to know that there are somethings in life that cannot be learnt from listening and looking, but to actually experience it first hand.

I told my mum that I really like Lady gaga as the video Bad Romance was playing. She said “HAH… ini kau suker, pakai seluar dalam dengan choli ajer”.

Oh, and now she’s talking about how innocent I was when I was 5 years old sitting on my father’s lap…. FML..

How like that?

” To him she seemed so beautiful, so seductive, so different from ordinary people, that he could not understand why no one was as disturbed as he by the clicking of her heels on the paving stones, why no one else’s heart was wild with the breeze stirred by the sighs of her veils, why everyone did not go mad with the movements of her braid, the flight of her hands, the gold of her laughter. He had not missed a single one of her gestures, not one of the indications of her character, but he did not dare approach her for fear of destroying the spell. “

-Love in the Time of Cholera-Gabriel Gárcia Márquez

Wah Vanns, so poetic all….